Good Friday and Easter Sunday are perhaps the most significant days of the church calendar, and yet, in a real sense, we live our lives on Saturday, the day in between. Philip Yancey

Monday, September 17, 2012

12 Years Ago...

Twelve years ago today these young'uns became parents.

It was thrilling each time we got to take you home, over and over again.

We got a little less fresh each time.
16 homecomings in your first 20 months was a lot my dear.
It was always such a relief to be a complete family again.

It's unnatural as a parent to celebrate your being really truly home today but we're trying. It's not really a party. Everything about it is wrong. I even botched the iced "cookies" made for the kids to mark the day. Despite the seeming potential, double butter actually doesn't taste very good. Oops.
Today is hard but I look back at last year and do recognize such healing since. These past few weeks I've thought a lot about how much being your mother has already impacted me as Esther's mother. It's like a chance to fall in love all over again, with a magnitude of joy and appreciation not possible without having known the depth of pain and loss.
You will always be my first instant love.
As this day comes to a close I'm off to cuddle with your baby sister,
while forever thinking about you, our daughter Lydia Vail. 
Twelve Birthdays, nine of them with us.


  1. Tears of joy that your sweet girl IS home and that, despite the pain, you recognize it. Happy Birth Day to you, Sweet Mama, and Happy Birthday to Sweet Lydia. She was so blessed to have you (and you her!) for those precious years.

    Of course, I had to laugh (and did so maniacally) at your attempt at double butter - you are a true southern belle. I love you so much! Lifting you up! Thinking of Lydia with a smile in my heart.

  2. Happy Birthday sweet Lydia. Love to everyone. xx

  3. Just now reading this, but that doesn't mean I haven't thought about you this week. What a beautiful letter to your firstborn. I am still so sorry for all that happened to Lydia, but I continue to read in awe as you stubbornly keep looking for God even in the worst moments. I'm so glad you chose to share Lydia with all of us.